Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Well..again i don't know why i thought of posting a new one.As usual i am confused again ....directionless....cursing myself for the decision i took....Yet..i am happy...it's a secret,which even my conscious mind doesn't know......Yes.....i found that out yesterday..i am happy..just like how i used to be during those good old days..i was laughing again ,started my chirpy talks and outings with friends....but somehow my face is projecting a sad image,as that of a lady who is away from her love and who is presently going through a big emotional trauma......why?why?why?
I can't say i don't know now,b'coz i know .I know that i am afraid to reveal my happiness ,i am afraid that this happiness is going to be a short lived one,i am afraid that this happiness will make me mad.......
What a human being i am....to be sad when you are really happy.......
Its true...our wants will never end ....am so greedy.................
To be independent,when you have the option to be dependent is a very good feeling.You get all theose chances to enjoy..still....you miss something...For me,I miss Shyam...the one vital person in my life.What confuses me is that i am happy enjoying my independence,although his absence is making me feel an emptiness inside.Can i not have Shyam and independence together in my life????
This,am posting from my bank and am doing this as if i am doing a crime...ohhhh....

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Life has its own course......

There are times when you feel like staying away from acquaintances and stick to a few of your close friends.This is the best time to look inward and know yourselves.
But now time has come for me to come out of that shell of mine and interact with the world around me.After 2 long years ,i got a break,from a house wife to a working woman.Again this time also ,it is not what i had wanted all these years.But i have no choice,or,maybe its just that i don't want to choose from many available options.
I wanted to be in a middle state ,that of a working woman who can manage her home very well.But now i am away from my home,still searching for a balance.
I don't even know whether i want to mother a child now or not......am so indecisive.....
There was a time when i had wanted so many things ,a time when i was very ambitious and creative,but its a different life now.Yet i chose this life,i arranged this life,and am trying to cope with a life which has given me all essentials...I am not complaining but i can't help using the word 'cope',b'coz that's what i am doing now.
Even then i am not sure....whether i will be happy when i achieve that middle state...am so greedy....Ohhh!!!! God,Why am i so greedy?Why did you instill greed and selfishness in to my mind...?????

Monday, May 4, 2009


When did i really start watching sunsets????I don't know ..... I always found myself lost in thoughts while watching the setting sun...the vermilion hue ,grading in to lighter colours and finally vanishing in to the horizon....
The setting sun always asked me to wait for a bright tomorrow,and made me review the past and myself.I feel as if He is trying to teach me the greatest lesson of life ......whatever you loose today will re-appear again tomorrow,you will get all those bright things you had lost once and this cycle repeats,you only have to acknowledge the brightness...
Here in Hyderabad , I could bear solitude only b'coz of Sunsets...The weekday evenings of Hyderabad are the most beautiful episodes of my life.............................gazing outside from my balcony,watching the beautiful sunset ,sipping a cup of tea and above all freeing thyself in the process.....